Weird ByLaws

Guest Blog post from Thom Rainer

Because I am so radically ecumenical (translation I steal from anyone) I subscribe to Thom Rainer's weekly email.  Tom speaks to and in the language of US American Evangelicalism.  He is a Southern Baptist. Today's email caught my attention, and I'm sure you will appreciate this one.  If you think our ELCA churches have some quirky characteristics, check this out.

"Sometimes reading a church’s bylaws is like taking a trip to the twilight zone.

Some are lengthy, very lengthy. Some are irrelevant. Some are unreadable.

And others are weird, really weird.

Knowing that I would get some incredible responses from my Twitter followers, I simply asked them if they were a part of a church with some weird bylaw provisions. Keep in mind, these are provisions in bylaws, not in a policy manual.

Here are my twelve favorites:

No one can bring a colored drink to church, especially red Kool-Aid. I wonder how many church members were sneaking that stuff in their flasks.
An active member is defined as one who gives at least one penny a year. Oh my. That would cut the Baptist church rolls in half.
There will be very specific guidelines regarding the church van (but the church doesn’t own a van). The new bylaws amendment will be called “the Uber amendment.”
Men serving communion are required to wear a coat and tie. I am totally flabbergasted they don’t have to wear pants.
The church has to have a minimum of five deacons (but the church only has 20 members). It may get complicated if one of the available deacon candidates is a preschooler.
No one can sell cassettes on church grounds. But 8-track tapes and vinyl records are fine.
No one is allowed to bring glitter to church. I am definitely boycotting this church!
No church member can be a part of a secret society. I wonder if that includes Democrats and Republicans.
No church member can drink alcohol except during the Lord’s Supper. So that’s why the Lord’s Supper day is always such a high attendance day!
No one can sell paintings on church grounds. This issue is indeed a pervasive sin in many churches.
No one can come to church with diarrhea. That’s okay. They probably wouldn’t pay much attention to the preaching anyway.
Members cannot have assigned pews. But you are allowed to bring your own personal chair."